Top Five Things to NEVER say to your wife during that "time of the month"

I thought I'd make a little list to help Kade out next time I'm laying in bed wishing the cramps would finally just kill me.
5. "Atleast you didn't start as young as _______"
Okay...I don't really give a crap who started when. The last thing I wanna be reminded of are the blissful, pain-free years I had as a child. Please. Shut. Up. And I'm pretty sure that girl doesn't want to be reminded of how many pain-free years she's missing out on.
4. "You can kick me in the nuts if it makes you feel better"
Actually...yes...it would make me feel better. You are actually allowed to say this one. On one condition. You may not say this line and then proceed to cup your hands over the goods to protect them. If you say it- You had better stand up straight and take it like a man.
3. "My _________ hurts."
You hurt? You don't know what it means to hurt. I gave birth. I win. Always. I don't really care if your arm just fell off. I will always laugh at you when you say you hurt from now on. The end.
2. "Gosh, you're ornery today, aren't you"
Uh...are you kidding me? If you say this sentence you better get ready to run. Pretty sure my head is about to start spinning around like the Exorcist. You should always tell me how lovely I am and how much you are enjoying my company. I don't care if it's a lie. JUST SAY IT.
1. "You'll feel better tomorrow."
How the *bleep* do you know? Can you give me a written guarantee? Unless you are promising to turn me into a boy over night, you may not say this one. EVER. It is hereby forbidden. And you may not defend yourself after saying this by saying "What? It gives you something to look forward to!" You may as well sign your own death certificate.

Hope that helps, honey! Love you :)