Even more guilt over formula

So to make matters worse, Easton doesn't tolerate formula well. I knew this already from the few times I had given him the little 2 oz. bottles of shelf stable formula they give at the hospital. He throws up everything for about 24 hours after he has it. No bueno. I talked to my pediatrician about it and he recommended that I try Enfamil Gentlease. I semi got over my guilt today and trekked off to Sam's Club tonight to get a HUGE can of formula. So I'm feeling experimental and I decide to give him just a few ounces tonight before bed to see how he does and see if formula fed babies really do sleep longer. I mixed a few ounces of breastmilk and a few ounces of formula to make a five ounce bottle. A few ounces in, he puked all over me. Great, huh? Serves me right? I'm hoping it was partially because he was too full because it wasn't time for a feeding yet. I was reading about it online and it seems that you need to give the baby atleast a week with each formula to really try it out before switching again-- even if they are puking all over the place. So now my poor little Easto has to vomit all day just so that I don't have to pump. Talk about a major guilt trip. I'm going to keep at it though and just really ease him into it with more breastmilk mixed with the formula. Poor little guy......

Guilty....

I love being a mom. I absolutely adore it. But some things that have come along with it are not so fun. The most unpleasant being the added measure of guilt I feel over EVERYTHING. If it's been a little too long since a diaper change: Guilty. If I let Easton fuss a little bit more than I "should": Guilty. If I don't pay constant attention to him while he's awake: Guilty. Holding him to put him to sleep: Guilty. And my newest guilt companion: Considering using formula. I have been pumping exclusively since Easton was about 2 weeks old. It is important to me that my son has the very best nutrition and naturally, that means giving him breast milk. However, nursing wasn't our strong point and I'm over the desire to overcome those hardships. So, I've been toting around my pump and giving it my all for 9 weeks now. I'll admit that at first this seemed like a workable solution. I set the goal to give him breastmilk for atleast six months. I'm almost halfway there. It may seem like a short time to someone else. Just a wrinkle in time, right? If you think pumping or nursing is not hard, you can come over and let me give you titty twisters constantly for atleast 15 minutes several times a day and then you would know what it's like to be me. Besides the discomfort, it's very inconvenient. When nursing, you can find somewhere to sit just about anywhere and do the deed. Not with pumping. I don't like planning my day around the need to pump or being forced to lug the machine around with me and pray that I'll be able to find a place to plug in. So, due to my growing hate of pumping, I'm considering putting Easton on formula. Ugh. Even writing it down floods me with guilt. I know that formula is very well made and is still very nutritious. But I think any mother who has breastfed will agree that there are benefits beyond measure that formula can never give. Not only is breast milk healthier-- it is also FREE. I can't believe I'm about to pay $25 bucks for a can of something that my body makes a better version of. I'm not going to go into a pro-milk rant here, because it's useless and will only make me feel more guilty. I'm on the fence. Is it so wrong for a mommy to be a little selfish with her body and time? Should I just live with my own discomfort to provide for Easton? Who knows? I feel like such a wimp when I read or hear about moms who pumped or nursed for a year (or for more than 11 weeks for that matter.) Why should one be expected to enjoy depending on a machine to provide the natural comforts of not having rock hard boobs and milk soaked shirts? I may as well change my name to Bessy and move to a dairy. I feel so sad for all those sweet dairy cows who have to put up with being milked for years and years, so that we can have a drink. Perhaps subconsciously this is why I've never drank milk. I always knew it was cruel deep down. I'm exaggerating of course, but still... Anyhow, none of this rambling solves my dilemma. To milk or not to milk? That IS the question.....I guess I'll figure it out later. I have to go pump now......

Performing my blogly duty

So, since it's apparently a blog sin to change your background and not add a post while you're at it (TIFFANY!!) I decided I'd better give a few updates-- assuming I can think of anything. Little Easto is as full of life as ever. His sleeping schedule has regulated and he now puts himself to sleep very easily. He's basically amazing. He's very talkative and has started to do this fake cough thing when he gets extra excited. I just can't wait for the giggles. His legs are kicking non-stop (I remember that from when I was pregnant) and I'm starting to think he'll be a better soccer player than a baseball player. (Actually, his movements remind me a little more of a broadway dancer, but we won't go there...) Sorry, Kade. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this already, but Kade and I are both looking into ways to bring a couple extra bucks in and pad our resumes as well. So, in a few weeks, Kade will start classes to get his real estate license. I'm considering undertaking Mary Kay. We'll see what happens. I love my job, but I'd love to stay at home with Easton too. Being a working mom is bittersweet for me. Well...here's hoping that spring actually comes and sticks around soon. The Gardner clan sure is ready....Oh, and I also want to wish my sweet Makenzy a Happy Birthday. She's turning 16... Oops..I mean 6.When Easton gets REALLY angry, he kicks like mad. This is what happens when babies are REALLY angry while wearing jammies that are a little too big.
Easton secretly wishes he could control his arms enough to suck his thumb. Here is a good picture of one of his better attempts (before I intervened and gave him a binky.)
He absolutely insists on sleeping on his side. Don't bother trying anything else.
Easton's favorite moments are the ones where I let him be alittle bit naked and free. He lights up.



This video is a little long-ish but it really shows all the personality our little guy has. Pay attention to how often he moves his little eyebrows.

Sleep, shots, and sickness

Little Easton is now two months old. It's fun to watch him become his own little person more and more each day. He has developed quite a sense of humor. I was dancinga bit last night to a song, completely unaware that I had an audience. I looked over at him and his binky was half out of his mouth and he had an enormous grin on his face like "Mom....seriously?" It was adorable. We've been working on sleep training, because we got into the bad habit of holding him while he slept. How could we help it? He's so sweet! But it was causing some trouble getting him to sleep on his own, so it had to stop. Now we only hold him until he's drowsy, then he does the rest himself. Except, he insists on being on his side if he's going to sleep. So now I have to wait until he's zonked out and turn him onto his back for fear of SIDS. This is fine, until it's 4:30 am and I'm trying to keep myself awake long enough to get him turned successfully. He also went to his 8 week well baby checkup this week. He now weighs 10 lbs 2 oz and is 22.5 inches long. He's growing well, but he's still so very small when it comes to weight. His height is right on the money, so perhaps he'll be a tall, skinny guy. Not to mention handsome as all get out. There is a nasty cold going around, and I'm afraid I caught it. I just hope that I don't pass it to the rest of my family. I don't like it when Easton is sick. He had immunizations last week and they made him absolutely miserable for about a day. He had a fever and was so unhappy. Also, we figured out that the formula I have makes him sick. He barfs all over for the whole day if i give it to him. There goes that. The pediatrician recommended a couple kinds that would be easier on his tummy, but I can't bring myself to spend the 25 bucks on a can of it when I have a freezer full of milk. I think I must have been a cow in another life.. Well..sorry this post was completely mundane and unthrilling, but it's all I got.

My beautiful family

Here are a few of the family photos my family had taken at the beginning of the month. They turned out wonderfully. Christy- You are a creative genius! Thanks so much! If anyone needs a photographer- Christy Bodily comes HIGHLY recommended. Check out her stuff at www.christymariephotography.blogspot.com. She does beautiful, quick, inexpensive work.

My wonderful parents

Our OH SO HANDSOME little boy

The Whole Fam

Makenzy- the cutest (and sassiest) 5 year old I know

The adorable D-bug.

I like this one, even though Easton is a wee bit upset with us.

Tiffany's beautiful little family unit